Angel versus Devil: Game, set, match
“If you don’t know where you are going,
any road will get you there.”
– Lewis Carroll
How easily we fall down the rabbit hole.
I went five days without squatting. F-I-V-E. Five. What did I think would happen?
I hit 3 x 110 kg on Tuesday but missed 120 kg. It felt like I forgot how to squat.
I avoided squats for as long as possible on Wednesday. Totally didn’t want to do them, but I knew I would hate myself if I didn’t push through a squat workout.
5 x 70 kg
5 x 90 kg
5 x 100 kg
My knees hurt. Everything still felt wrong.
I was haunted by the miss at 120 kg. How the fuck can I miss 120 kg?
It’s was like I had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.
Devil: “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
Angel: “What? What are you so pissed about?”
Devil: “This feels wrong. It feels heavy. My knees hurt. I missed 120 yesterday.”
Angel: “You hadn’t squatted in five days. FIVE days. You drove well over 30 hours to Florida and back. And, might I also mention that you have your period, and I think you’re acting a little psychotic right now?”
Devil: “I think I’m getting weaker. That was only 100 for five. It wasn’t easy. Maybe I should just be done for tonight.”
Angel: “You’ve squatted three sets of five. T-H-R-E-E. You know you can’t be done after three sets. You’re being a baby. Stop it.”
Devil: “I’m also amazingly fat right now. I mean, it feels like I’m pregnant. People are going to start asking when the baby is due.”
Angel: “You’re such a dumbass sometimes. You’re not pregnant. You’re bloated from your period. It’s fucking SCIENCE.”
Devil: “I think science says I’m getting weaker. I took five days off. I’m never going to get that time back.”
Angel: “You snatched to 70 kg tonight. You snatched to 70 kg yesterday also. Last time I checked, you were a weightlifter, and being able to snatch was important. You did that. Shut up.”
Devil: “I’m just going to squat a triple at 105 and be done.”
Angel: “You’re not. You are going to squat that for five, and I am not sure what is going to happen after that, but it’s not going involve being a crybaby pansy ass quitter.”
Devil: “I can’t hear you. I’m about to squat my triple.”
Angel: “They’re watching you, you know?”
Devil: “Who? Aliens? Manatees? Unicorns?”
Angel: “Your LIFTERS, stupid. You know, the ones you COACH. The ones you and Nick were just talking to about how attitude is everything? Or was that all bullshit?”
Angel: “You’d better keep squatting that bar until your legs collapse, Coach.”
Devil: “1, 2, 3…”
Angel: “Just breathe.”
Devil: “4, 5…”
Angel: “That was easy. Keep going.”
Angel: “If you’re going to squat 6, then you have to squat 7.”
Angel: “And if you’re going to squat 7, then you’d better figure out how to make your body squat 8 for the PR.”
Devil: “8! 8! 8! PR!”
Angel: “Good job.”
Devil: “I know. I’m such a badass.”
Angel: “I hate you.”