A Fond Adieu: Training Happens Whether You Log It Or Not
“I like the dreams of the future
better than the history of the past.”
– Thomas Jefferson
I have kept an online training log since June 29, 2009. Technically, I had a log in a notebook for a few months prior to that, but June 29, 2009 was when my online log began.
I’ve had a training log continuously since then, although it’s been at several different forums and is now here on my own blog. Those of you who have read my training log (thousands of you, I’m sure, because who doesn’t like to read about the reps and sets of random internet strangers?) probably realize that it was more than just a log about training. It was a diary, a place of self-reflection, an opportunity to celebrate and cry and bitch and moan.
Sometimes, I think my training log was more important than my actual training.
I don’t regret keeping a training log for that long. There is some cool shit in there. There are a lot of milestones, and I think it shows that (almost) anything is possible with hard work. It chronicles my journey from an out-of-shape former soccer player who couldn’t do more than one pushup to a born again athlete who lifted at the American Open and squatted 300 lbs.
I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished in the gym in the last 4.5 years.
The problem is, I am not so proud of what I’ve accomplished in the rest of my life in that same time period. I have a lot of shit to fix, and I am working hard on that now.
I’m still training, but I need to learn how to train without being attached to numbers or goals. I need to learn how to love training for the joy it brings me and not only because there is a huge goal that requires every last ounce of effort that I possess. I need to learn how to walk into the gym and just lift the barbell and not give a fuck. Because if this shit isn’t fun, then what is the point?
I need to learn how to live in the present moment, and in a small way, a training log is a way of staying focused on the past.
So, I’m bidding farewell to my training log. I’m not sure for how long, and it doesn’t bother me not to know.
Barbells will be lifted whether or not I write down my reps. At a minimum, it is important for people with a history of depression or anxiety to do regular physical activity. Science says so. Right now, I am focusing on pulls and doing clean pulls, conventional and sumo deadlifts, and RDLs.
I’m supposed to compete in December. I probably will, although I am not overly attached to that possibility. If I can compete and not care about my total and just have a good time because weightlifting is awesome, then I will do it. If I’m not in that place yet, then I won’t compete. I will go to the meet and do what I do best as a coach.
This is a bittersweet decision, but I love where I am right now in this moment. Isn’t that the point?